The One About The Night Where You’re Trying To Watch A Movie, And A Snake Tries To Come In Your House

Hello,

The first thing to know about this post is that I have been sick with some sort of allergy related infection virus. No it doesn’t really matter to the story, but I appreciate your sympathy.

My Mom, Brother, and I (You live with your mom? Still? YES. You try to find a house to rent on a starting out freelance writer’s/preschool teacher’s assistant’s salary) live in a house in the country, in East TX. My brother works nights in a neighboring town, and he started out on his merry little way.

We also live with these guys

who every now and then demand to be taken outside, as they have yet to master the convenience of indoor plumbing.

So I opened the door to let them out, and that’s where the fun really began. In between the screen door and the main door was A SNAKE. It slithered through the crack of the door to get inside. I did what any other red blooded American would have done, slammed the door on it, and yelled for my Momma!

She came in there,and started screaming. Now my Mom is a 5 ft something grandma type, hates snakes, and she has a heart condition. The last two are bad, the first not so much. She grabs a pick and a sledge hammer out of the closet, and hacks at the snake screaming every time it moves.

We don’t know what to do. We have a shotgun, but really that would be an overkill :). She tells me to CALL SOMEONE, I grab the laptop, and look up the counties sheriff’s office. They ask if they need to send EMS to check on Mom as they can hear her scream every time THE SNAKE moves.

I  say no, but could they send someone out?? They say yes, but it’s Memorial Day, and they are busy. We don’t know how long it will be, and THE SNAKE is now bleeding and slightly moving. I call my nephew who asks me unimportant questions like “does it look poisonous? A few more screams from Mom, and he says he is on his way.

I tell my Mom she may want to put on a pair of shoes, you know just in case. She comes back wearing flip-flops. A minute later, a policeman shows up, he asks if we can open the door, I do. Then he yells “hang on a minute, wait!!, okay now!!!” He grabs THE SNAKE. throws it down on the concrete, and beats it with a tire iron.

It’s dead, he says (it is now Sir), With a smile (at my Mom) he (an older policeman) claims that Mom has killed it, and to call them out anytime because that’s what they are there for. He dumps in the road disposes of the body, and leaves. Meanwhile I call my niece (he’s my nephew-in-law. Do they make those?) and she call my nephew, and tells him never mind.

We close the door, kill a few stray bugs that have come in as the door was open, and then………realize there is now A WASP in the kitchen. Now A WASP is my enemy I HATE them!!! I am also absurdly freaked out by them, I’m talking little girl screaming, running from the room freaked out. Like I used to be of crickets, but now I can be beside one and not cry am getting better about it.

I got out THE WASP spray (mess with me little wasp), and proceed to spray various rooms of the house, and push in my panic  guide my Mom out of harms way. Finally she steps on it and kills it, and I clean up the spray particles. We then proceed to watch Singing In The Rain, and go to bed. Yep, just a normal Monday, in a country house, in East TX.

 

Blessings and Peace!!

Helen

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About Helen Heard

Hi!! Come on in, take the comfy chair, have a Diet Coke. Let's talk about Jesus, writing, music, family, and which M&Ms are the best (peanut of course)!
This entry was posted in Family, Weird Stuff and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The One About The Night Where You’re Trying To Watch A Movie, And A Snake Tries To Come In Your House

  1. hahahahahah! you had me laughing the entire time. I lost it when your mom grabbed the sledge hammer! such a plot twist hah! The police in East TX are so much nicer than they are in Dallas. I think they would’ve hung up the phone on us here lol. You also do a great job of keeping the action going but also describing just enough for the reader to get the entire picture of what’s happening. I could see everything like a scene playing out in my head. Great writing !

    Like

    • Helen Heard says:

      Thank you so much!!! That’s really encouraging!!! And the officers are pretty nice out here. Except for the fact that anytime we call, we have to wait in the county to respond, lol.

      Like

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